Day 1 – Something You Hate About Yourself

Well… Nothing like jumping into this game with both feet. I wish I could say I’m one of those people who is totally self confident and has nothing about themselves that they would like to change. And who is totally full of shit.

Everyone has something they don’t like about themselves or would like to change. Some people may not realize it but there is something there.

For me, there is kind of a laundry list. Lately, I’ve been in a bit of a … slump? I used to be tight, toned, fit, thin, a size 1. Somehow, that all changed. I don’t know when it happened or what caused it but it seems like almost over night I mutated from that size 1 to a 14. I vaguely remember a brief yield at 9 somewhere along the way but it didn’t last long.

And what sucks even more is that people don’t really believe me when I admit my weight (and sometimes size) to them. I’ve asked people how they would describe me to the police if I had just robbed their convenience store and they put me at 150 pounds… just a little bit off.

It’s not really that I want to go back to being a size 1… because that brought with it its very own set of problems, one of which was being suspected of having one eating disorder or another. But a 5 would be nice. Except I have THE PERFECT dress to wear to Spider-Man Turn off the Dark this Spring and it is a 3/4. Not really a “dress”… it’s a black velvet halter top and a purple satin skirt but I’m pretty sure it’s the most gorgeous thing I own. An old crush once told me I looked great in it.

Meanwhile, this really wasn’t at all where I was going to go with this first question. I mean, I used to be fit and toned and all of that and I remember what being tired from exercise felt like compared to just being tired and I miss that but I have gotten so far away from that that I can’t make myself get back there.

But my real intention was to talk about being afraid of people and relationships. Oh well, the question was someTHING not some THINGS soooooo I guess that’s it for today.


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