Day 26 Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Less than thinking about doing it, I did. Not intentionally, mind you. But when you have the rug yanked out from under all of your plans for the future only to find a gaping chasm under the rug, plus having your heart shattered like an iPhone screen on the sidewalk*….well, let’s just say some people don’t take it as well as others.
I’ve already hashed out all of this embarrassment for you. I have friends/sisters who will tell me there is nothing to be embarrassed about but I am, kind of. I don’t really know why I am. Maybe because all of this happened six years ago, we were only together eight months, because when I say the words out loud, it doesn’t matter how much retelling it still hurts, I feel like people are thinking of how pathetic or pitiful I am. That I allowed someone to have so much control over my life that losing him destroyed everything and made me truly terrified to get involved in another relationship. And the longer I am alone, the more afraid I become. I’m making things worse for myself and I don’t know how to stop the spiral.
*iPhones…I’ve actually never seen one shatter, just heard from someone who works for AT&T that they have a tendency to explode on impact if dropped.