Girlfriend Application

So I have a crush on a guy who knows I exist but to what extent I have no idea. But I realized we kind of think alike and we have a shit ton in common and because of that I could buy him a new gift every day of the week.

That, is not the point of this story. The point is through that revelation, I started thinking of all the ways I am an amazing girlfriend and someone needs to clue him into those reasons.

And since, in my dreams (the real ones, where I’m asleep), he reads this silly thing as a way of passively stalking me back… why not use this vehicle to do just that…clue him into all the ways (in no particular order) I am a stellar girlfriend.

** The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. I cook. I bake. And most of the time (now that I figured out how to make my oatmeal cookies not suck, pretty much all the time with baking) I cook amazing foods. Just by throwing things in the pot and hoping for the best.

** Just because I have ADD doesn’t mean I don’t pay crazy close attention when you speak (I may interrupt you every fifth word but that’s not the point). Even when you think I’m not listening. So be careful when you mutter to yourself, “That is so cool, I wish I had one.” ‘Cause “that” could very well find its way into your Christmas stocking so you better have really meant it when you thought I wasn’t listening.

Basically, I love giving gifts to other people. When you are my signif, you get to be the bulk of “other people.” It’s not rooted in some deep psychological need for approval or because I think if I buy you things you will like me. No, the truth is I would have spent the money anyway, it’s better I spend it on other people than frivolous things for myself.

** I’m a Scorpio, ’nuff said. *wink*

** I think every relationship needs space. I’ve actually considered writing up a relationship contract that includes “Each party is required one night each week away from the other.” Okay, so “required” may be a little much but I’m absolutely cool with poker night or race night or *shudder* OC night… I don’t even care if you and the fellas hit a strip club as long as I know who you’re coming home to. I’d prefer it be a legit, reputable club and not some back alley dive, but on that we can possibly negotiate. Possibly. :)

** I do require you to be my best friend and hope I am yours. While I want you to know that I’m cool with you hanging out with your friends, with me or without, I want you to want to take me with you. I want you to fit in with my friends (understanding of course that some of my sisters are hyper vigilant and may hate you for the first three or four months, purely on principle).

** I am a super cheap date!! (Although a considerably less cheap drunk hehe) A bookstore, pizza, IHOP at 2 in the morning, Godfather marathon, $5 concert at a dive bar, taking a stroll along a busy street …these are all perfectly acceptable date activities. Providing these are not the only activities we ever participate in and that you NEVER use money as an excuse for not doing something fun. I dated a guy once who would never take me anywhere if he couldn’t afford to pay for it. Okay, look, I am a King Arthur FREAK, chivalry goes with the territory but it’s also the 21st century and I have a job so that I can pay for things, dates included. Something my friends get used to hearing from me, really fast, is “I didn’t ask if you had money, I asked if you wanted to go to dinner/a movie/ice cream/etc.” Believe me, if I had wanted to be “kept” I’d have figured out how to do that a long time ago.

** I will never drag you to a chick flick. On the one hand, I hate them and on the other hand, I’m not that kind of girl who thinks dragging her mister to a sappy boy meets girl built from a kit romantic comedy will bring them closer together. If one comes along that looks like it’s not going to totally suck, I’ll go with those sisters I mentioned before. Or wait for it on DVD cause let’s face it… “The Movies” are way to expensive to blow $30 on something with no big budget special effects that are going to totally lose their impressiveness on the TV. But an action movie or a (good) horror movie… sign me up!

There are probably other things I’m missing but these sound like a pretty good start to the list, if you ask me. And you must have asked me or you wouldn’t have read this far.

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