Yep that’s what we’re doing here. So if you don’t want to hear about it, stop reading and wait for another new blog.
I don’t even know where to begin. Several years ago… how much backstory is needed here? I was engaged. My fiance asked for a break, I asked if it was a break up and he said he wasn’t ready to say goodbye. The next time I heard anything from him his girlfriend was … Wait, your WHO?? I thought we were taking a break, not breaking up. Needless to say, wedding plans went to shit. And when the wedding planning went to shit, it made me really hate the classes I was taking to get my certification as a bridal consultant. So I dropped out of the program about halfway through.
So it stands to reason that listening to other people plan their weddings isn’t my favorite activity. Not because I’m jealous it’s not me… I really would love to have the sick party I’ve planned but whatever… I just wish I’d finished the bridal consultant thing… maybe I’d have a job now that doesn’t suck.
And then there’s that. My job sucks. My boss is a stark raving loon. Today, for example she has me doing a whole bunch of shit for her son’s wedding this weekend… printing their thank you cards, printing tiny little pictures she’s going to put on the tables for decoration, drawing a pattern so she can make bibs for the bridal party to wear to the reception because they are having barbeque…. And then this afternoon we figure out we collectively dropped the ball on a kind of huge order that was supposed to be finished… this afternoon. “Oh, yeah, WE did,” she says…But instead of accepting that it was a joint effort and being a bit vague when telling the customer it didn’t get finished, she blames the whole thing on me. Throws me under the bus after making me do all the shit for her son’s wedding that I wasn’t even invited to (wouldn’t have gone if I had been….not the point).
I am missing a favorite band in concert this weekend…actually two favorites… missing out on seeing my sorority sister who I haven’t seen in almost three years, missing out on one of the musicians to whom I owe my life next weekend… because I’m not making enough at this *#!$^@ job to pay my bills let alone save for trips or things I would like to buy. Nevermind would like to buy… shit like a good quality DSLR camera so maybe I could make some chump change selling pictures or a drawing tablet for my computer to make designing shit easier. Seriously, I don’t even pay all of my bills and halfway through the second week living on a check it’s gone and I’m getting insufficient funds notices from the bank. I’ve been trying to design t-shirts for TeeFury.com but getting real genuine constructive feedback is like convincing someone to pull an alligator’s teeth with a pair of rusty pliers. And words cannot explain how very very helpful it would be to just sell them two designs. They pay $1 per shirt sold. Some of the most popular designs have sold 15,000 shirts (and more). If I could sell half as many I could take care of a lot of shit in my life.
I’ve reconnected with a couple of high school friends and there has been mention of getting together for coffee but the truth is I feel like I have changed a lot since we were close and really can’t imagine anyone wanting to spend any extended amount of time with me. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love my not-job promoting for Kill Hannah but even I know that’s kind of all I have any passion in anymore. And I can see how that would get old to someone who doesn’t share my point of view. But when it comes to topics of conversation, it’s either that or how much I hate my job job.
Besides that… I hate the idea of going out with anyone because I can’t meet them where we are going. Not unless my mommy drops me off. This not driving shit is really getting old. But it is such a double edged sword… I hate not being able to do anything on my own but at the same time I am so uncomfortable driving that I’m not going to ask to go out and practice. But we’ve had this rant before so I’m done with it.
I guess I’m pretty much done with the whole thing. I’m just to the point where I’m so unhappy with things that everything irritates me, everything upsets me, everything makes me want to donkey punch someone in the head.