Day 7 getting to know me

I have a crush on a guy. I might get into that in more depth later but the important part, right now, is that it exists. There are intense feelings and a pretty heady physical attraction that all goes along with what was a very strong connection. Things have … faltered lately but he’s still on my mind pretty much every second of every day, in some capacity.

As such, I have been kind of trying to put together this bit – kind of tongue in cheek, not entirely serious, while still being completely factual, of course – about “who I am as a girlfriend and companion.” A girlfriend application, such as it were. I wasn’t happy with how it was turning out so I scrapped it. Again and again.

But I’ve found a list of questions I think fit what I was trying to accomplish. In the original post, the first ten were questions to ask on first date and 11-19 (I deleted one about first impressions to suit a more general purpose context) were for after a relationship had been established. I feel like, even though we haven’t had one, he and I are kind of past the “first date” questions stage, but they are still interesting questions so … here goes:

  1. If you could have any superhero power, what would it be? I have, for several years now, thought that I would most like to be a pusher. I can see the potential for that to get out of hand and intoxicating but I can also see how being able to “push” people to believe things would make up for not having other abilities. You could convince people you were invisible, rather than having to actually be invisible. You wouldn’t have to be able to fly, just convince the ticket agent that you paid for a ticket. I mean, it’s a superpower. Who wouldn’t pick one for selfish reasons?
  2. Would you ever be naked in public? I am not a big fan of being naked in private.
  3. If you could have any career, what would you choose? I’d custom build one. I enjoy doing hair – especially color – but I’d also like something where I get to travel and write. Spending time with musicians while I do all of that would be a spiffy bonus.
  4. What’s the best gift anyone has ever given you? I’m more of an “it’s the thought that counts” kind of girl so I don’t necessarily keep track of who gave me which gifts for which occasion. But definitely anything that shows the giver put a little extra thought and effort into picking it out is tops. Maybe it was something I said I wanted in June and they remembered to get it for my birthday in November. Or just something that shows they know what I like.
  5. If you had three wishes, what would they be? I’d start by wishing for another genie. *wink* No, really, I’d probably make that standard “always have exactly as much money in my pocket as I need in the moment” wish, something to help the greater good – clean drinking water for everyone, a cure for a disease, something like that – and then I’d probably wish the genie free.
  6. If you were going to sing karaoke what song would you choose? I don’t know. It totally depends on my mood.
  7. What is your favorite movie and why? I have several. And I don’t know that I have a why for any of them. Boondock Saints, Dead Poets Society, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, the Goonies…
  8. Where is your ideal vacation spot? I don’t really have one. I’ve never been to the beach, I’m not a secluded and isolated mountain retreat kind of girl. I like hotels and cities and restaurants and concert venues and people and activity. Maybe New York or Las Vegas.
  9. Who is your favorite person in the world? It kind of depends on the day. I have five women in my life who I consider to be my best friends – Heather Joy, Kelsey, Winter, Caroline, and Lissa – and they are all amazing people for their own reasons. And of course I have (other) sorority sisters who fit the bill. And a couple musicians and authors who are super inspirational to me…
  10. What makes you feel most alive? Concerts. Pretty much everything about being smooshed into general admission, leaning on the barricade or stage, sharing an artist’s passion with them, soaking up the energy from everyone else who is there for the same reasons… That and allowing myself to go off script and just be spontaneous because I’m not, not very often, any way.
  11. Have you ever been in love? A couple times
  12. Have you ever had your heart broken? More than a couple times
  13. What does a successful relationship look like to you? Two people who have no reason to be anything but honest with one another, who enjoy doing things together but also enjoy just existing together, who are comfortable being apart/don’t have to be together every second of every day… Two people who complement each other intellectually, chemically, and physically, who encourage and challenge one another to be the best versions of themselves (which is not to be confused with wanting to make your “partner” into something they’re not…).
  14. What happened in your last relationship? Excellent freaking question. I’ve pretty much decided that he suffered a mental/emotional break and blamed me for it, at least in part. And no, that assessment is not coming from a place of bitterness or sarcasm. His mental stability was definitely suffering toward the end of our relationship.
  15. Are you friends with your former boyfriends or girlfriends? No. Mostly as a result of circumstance – it’s far easier to make a clean break from a long distance relationship. Staying friends when you are separated by a failed romance AND 1000 miles requires far more effort than staying friends with someone you might run into at the supermarket.
  16. What has been the best decision you’ve ever made? Honestly, I’d say throwing all of my savings into going to Chicago the very first year I did it. I met some of the most incredible people there and fell in love with another beautiful city.
  17. What is your biggest fantasy? Since this is a question intended for someone in a committed relationship, I am going to assume “sexual” is the appropriate interpretation of the word “fantasy” (consider that your warning if you think that might be something you don’t want to know about me – I’ll keep it PG). There are a few variations on the story but mostly it involves being so caught up in the moment – and each other – that we can’t wait to get somewhere more private. It’s not necessarily an exhibitionist fantasy, just wanting to be wanted so badly that the first dark corner we can duck into is “private” enough.
  18. What is your biggest fear? I have this answer divided, if not completely arbitrarily, into two categories. There are my solid, concrete fears of drowning and falling (which is more a fear of being out of control of my body) and my somewhat abstract fear of never being anything more than mediocre in anything I try – never being anyone’s favorite author or never being a six-figure income hairdresser…
  19. Is there anything about yourself you would change? I feel like I am a very rigid, almost uptight kind of person. Spontaneity, not knowing what “the plan” is, things not going according to plan, stresses me out, intensely. But when I am able to let go of that, however briefly, I love the feeling of not caring, of not needing a schedule, of just going with the flow. I’d like to be less stiff.

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