Day 11

Note: No, you didn’t miss Day 10. I abandoned it. The question was “what is a fruit you dislike and why?” I decided if you were as bored by reading that as I was with writing it, I might lose followers. 

Day 11 – Your current relationship status; if single, discuss that too

 My current “relationship status” is frustrated and confused.

 A little over four years ago, I met a guy… at the time, he didn’t really register on my radar as anything more than an existence, barely a friend. But then I got to know him a little better and sometime between then and about a year and a half ago, I developed some crazy feelings for him. Nevermind that he’s kind of gorgeous…

But somewhere in the last year, we lost something. We were talking all the time, really connecting, and getting to know each other better and better all the time (I can actually answer almost all of the questions on those “how well do you know your partner” quizzes – I have even closer friends about whom I couldn’t answer all the questions), and then, one day, it just … stopped. No disagreement, no fight, no anger, nothing – that I’m aware of, anyway. And since then our communication has been very sparse at best.

I even still have the Christmas present I had put together for him because I didn’t get to see him at Christmas the way I had hoped and now I don’t know where to send it. 

Because I’m a simple, easy, no nonsense kind of girl and as such I keep my life as simple and uncomplicated as possible. Which is why he lives in a different state.

When I figured out that I had caught feelings (read also: allowed myself to admit it), it all hit me like a freight train. I’m sure it had all been building over time and the realization was just sudden but it felt like I went from “wait, who’s that?” to ass over tea kettle in a matter of days. But now that I’m into him up to my eyeballs, I can’t let myself walk away without knowing what happened.

I am a very “why” oriented person. Once I get a question in my head, I can’t give up until I have an answer. Sometimes the answer is “there is no answer,” but I need to know that, definitively. I need Bill Nye or Josh Gates to say, “The answer is there is no answer,” otherwise, I have a very difficult time walking away. Even then…

But I know there is an answer, a reason why he cut off communication, and I can’t let it go.

I mean, it’s not just about a mission to answer the question. I really do think that he and I could take over the world. We’re both intense, passionate, artistic, intelligent, sarcastic people and combining our energies has the potential to be explosive. Well, honestly, I think that’s true either way. We would probably either set the world on fire (metaphorically) or set each other on fire (literally)… either way, it would be life altering and I kind of need something like that in my life.

Please don’t take that to mean I’m looking to him to be an escape from whatever monotony my life has become. I just don’t think I could partner with someone who wasn’t a whirlwind. I’ve done that. I look back on that relationship and breathe a sigh of relief all the way from my toes. I need someone with an energy and intensity that matches my own. 

Not that finding someone to help me rediscover my muchness would be terrible thing. I’ve definitely lost some of it along the way.


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