Here’s the thing…
I’ve been single for longer than I care to admit. This is a semi-conscious decision on my part. I have not, admittedly, had the shit luck that some of my friends have had in the romance department but I have had….
A boyfriend tell – not ask – me what I would be doing after we graduated from high school. Yes, high school. And it wasn’t “going to the college of my choice.”
A “friend with benefits” use sex to psychologically manipulate me in ways I’m still figuring out.
A fiancé blame me for his nervous breakdown.
A potential FWB ask me, point blank, if I would “go crazy” if we slept together.
I have used these past experiences to create standards and I insist that everyone from this point forward meet those standards. I have not found a lot of qualified applicants. And I did that without “kissing a lot of frogs,” such as it were.
I know what people will say about that – because people have said it to me. How do you know if you don’t give him a try? It may sound trite and it may sound like an excuse but I know because I’m a Scorpio. One of the traits that keeps bubbling to the surface of “here’s what you should know about Scorpio” blogs and internet memes is that we have an uncanny ability to read people and shine light into the darkest corners of their psyche. It tends to unnerve people but it is also tremendously helpful in the not-wanting-to-kiss-frogs department. I can spend ten minutes with a person (guy) and know if I could stand two or three hours with him on a date. And if I can’t spend two or three hours on a date, I damned sure can’t share my life with him (“share my life” here does not, necessarily, mean forever; it simply means share the details of my life, the ups, the downs, the wins, and the fails, the things that make up life, with him).
That said, I have recently spent a lot of time milling over the things I want to share with this imaginary, potential suitor. Most of them are pretty inane but they are the moments of my life that I have had all to myself for far too long (platonic accompaniment, notwithstanding).
Concerts – It’s not just about having someone to stand in line with or hold my spot on the barricade while I pee, although those things are nice, too. It’s about sharing such a visceral, empathic experience with someone. It’s about connecting through something that has a power unlike any other art form to change lives, heal wounds, break hearts, and unite people. I go to concerts because I am an empath and an extrovert. The energy boost I get from the crowd at a concert is unparalleled. And as an empath, I can both feel the emotions of others and project my own onto other people. The emotions at a concert are often quite intense but almost always positive (even if sad… it’s hard to explain). To be able to share that experience with someone to whom I’m connected in deeper ways is something I truly long for.
Traveling – There is something about couples in airports, on buses, on trains, that just looks so comfortable. Traveling with a significant other, knowing you will have someone to talk to on the trip, knowing you will have someone to watch the bags while you grab a snack, knowing you can sleep on your seatmate’s shoulder without it being weird… And I love to travel so having a travel companion who enjoys it as much as I do would be pretty cool.
Cooking – Not necessarily in a “cooking together” kind of way because I’m a little too Type A to let anyone help me in the kitchen but I love trying a new recipe (often “recipe” is a term I use loosely, meaning “throw random shit in a pot and hope for the best”, although I do bake according to recipe) and having someone genuinely appreciate that I put forth the effort to feed them. For most of my adult life, food has been my go-to method for connecting with people. Sad? Let’s grab coffee and talk about it. Job promotion? Let’s grab ice cream to celebrate. Bored? Appetizers. Haven’t talked in weeks? Dinner. Cooking for someone, putting in the effort to nourish their body as well as their mind, is just as much an extension of that as anything else.
Movies – In the cinema or at home, either way, I’m kind of just tired of watching movies alone. To the point that I have to really, REALLY want to see something to watch it alone. It’s almost to that point with television programs as well. I have a crush, something you might have gathered from previous blog posts. He and I have three shows that we both follow but because he is just a friend on whom I have a crush and not my actual boyfriend, we are following them independently. It would be kind of nice to watch them together, even if “together” means at separate times and talk about them later. Movies are more of a together together kind of activity. Sit together in the cinema, share popcorn, just be close to one another. Or curl up on the couch/in bed and share the monstrous blanket I’ve been crocheting while picking out the crappiest B-horror crap Netflix has to offer.
Walking – No, I don’t need help walking on my own. But going for walks. Getting out of the house together with no real purpose other than to enjoy one another’s energy, get some fresh(ish) air, get some unintentional exercise (I’m not talking speed walking here, just a stroll for however long and however far we want to stroll). Not really go anywhere (unless we live within a mile of ice cream…), just walk. I always think I want to go for a walk, especially in the pre-dusk hours of the summer, but then I shrug it off because going by myself would be boring. Going with a partner (really, romantic or platonic, either would be fine) would give me someone to talk to, someone to whom I could point out cool stuff…
Talking – In the interest of full disclosure, I’m an only child. I’m an only child with an active imagination and creative mind. I talk to myself. A lot. I LOVE having someone with whom conversation just flows until you’ve been talking all night and are still awake to watch the sun rise. Someone I can talk to about life and death and aliens and mythology and comic books and 70s sitcoms and music and everything and nothing all at once. With whom a conversation about shoes can last an hour and never be boring. Someone I can tell about the nightmare I had the night before and who will help me sort it into something I can use for a story.
Those are my #relationshipgoals. Pretty simple, I know, but it’s where my head has been lately.